Things We Don't See
by SopranoZone
Summary: Four times she didn't see the withdrawals (and one time she knew right away). Features my Inquisitor Evelyn Trevelyan. Cross posted to AO3.


**Things We Don't See**

"Maker's breath, my apologies, I overslept."

Evelyn looked up from across the table as Commander Cullen hastily entered the war room. He was clearly flustered, with the barest hint of a flush across his pale face.

"It is fine, Commander. We were merely reviewing yesterday's minutes in regards to our remaining work in the Hinterlands," Josephine said politely, waving his concern off.

"Of course," He said, stepping forward towards the war table, looking down at the mission markers strewn across it. "I heard there was a missive from Master Dennet…"

As the advisors discussed, Evelyn snuck a peek through her lashes as she watched Cullen. With a pause, she wondered if the Commander was unwell; it would certainly explain this morning's uncharacteristic tardiness. The slight flush had yet to leave his cheeks, and there were deeply tired bags under his eyes. His features seemed to be a bit more drawn than normal, causing that vexingly rugged scar on his lip to stand out more than usual. His normally meticulously coiffed hair was still damp, curling distractingly around the edges of his ears.

"Herald?"

With a start, she realized that she had been addressed, fighting back a flush of her own.

"I'm sorry. I suppose I'm bit more tired than I realized. Can you repeat that?"

Leliana gave her the barest hint of a smile.

"The Commander was inquiring if you might be able to clear the final spot that Master Dennet marked for the towers during your expedition this week. Corporal Vale has had an issue getting his men through again."

"Of course. I'll make it a priority."

"I believe that covers the most pressing issues," Josephine finished, making a mark on her writing tablet. Leliana nodded, moving to the door. Evelyn watched as the Commander pushed himself up from leaning over the war maps with carefully concealed effort.

"I'll speak with my team and get them ready to depart tomorrow. Oh, and Commander?"

He looked over at her in surprise. She smiled bashfully, considering her next words with care.

"Yes, Herald?"

"Please know that any time your morning is not going as planned, we are perfectly able to postpone if needed. Everyone needs a day now and then to be decadent and sleep in a bit. Even our steadfast Commander has earned that much."

She turned away with a flush and tried not to hurry out of the Chantry, missing the sheepish flush that crossed his face.

She had never seen him out of armor before.

She spotted him from across the great hall and almost didn't notice at first. The grand red lion cloak was still over his shoulders, but all the armor and decorative trappings were absent, revealing a simple linen shirt and dark breeches tucked into well worn boots. His movement was different as well, slower and somehow more vulnerable. The effect was mildly disarming, making the Commander look far less intimidating and more approachable. With a flush, she brushed the thought off, making her way to his side.

"Commander."

He nodded to her politely as she joined him.

"Inquisitor."

"I hope the day off is treating you well, Commander. I can't say I've ever seen you quite so...casual."

His smile seemed a bit weak and self depreciating. "Well it wouldn't do to have the soldiers seeing their commanding officer as overly casual."

"Most certainly not," She said with a small smile, before noticing the lack of coloring in his face, which drew attention to the dark circles under his eyes. She bit her lip hesitantly.

"Begging your pardon, Commander, but are you unwell? You seem a bit...pale."

"It is nothing," he assured quickly. She quirked her eyebrow before realizing it, drawing a weak flush from the man. He rubbed the back of his neck in that endearingly sheepish way she loved, looking away from her, though it was notable that the move was stiffer, as though exhaustion made the action painful.

"Perhaps I am a mite overtired. I have been ensuring we are quickly secured inside our new home and there is much to be done." He glanced back to her. "In honesty I am glad for the reprieve today. Thank you for arranging it."

"Well, the past weeks have been far from easy, and everyone of us has made tremendous efforts. I merely regret that it took me this long to notice we were running our own Commander ragged!"

"No, it is perfectly alright, Inquisitor. It is my own doing. I know my own limitations."

Evelyn could sense there was more than regular self depreciation in his tone, but resisted the temptation to pry. Instead, she opted to reach and squeeze his forearm in what she hoped was a friendly gesture.

"Well, I shan't take up more of your day off. Although I might suggest a detour to the kitchens on the way to wherever you're headed? A little bird told me that the cooks may have several freshly baked fruit pies coming out of the ovens soon

"Indeed? I shall look into that." He nodded politely as she stepped away towards her quarters.

"Inquisitor."

Evelyn paused uncertainly as she entered Cullen's tower to find the man in question nowhere in sight. ' _Perhaps he went to the kitchens..?'_

As she turned to head back out the door, she froze at the unmistakable sound of retching from the loft above. With a frown, she glanced up the ladder. Making it as far as placing her hands on the rungs, she hesitated.

"...Commander? Are you alright?"

She heard him curse softly, followed by the sound of slight shifting above.

"I...I'm afraid I'm a bit under the weather, Inquisitor. I'm afraid I will be of little use today."

"Oh dear, is there anything I can do to help?"

A soft groan followed. "No, but thank you. Captain Rylen has been informed and he will be leading training exercises for the day. I believe everything is in hand."

She bit her lip uncertainly. "I was meaning personally, Cullen. Have you eaten or drunk anything this morning?"

There was a long pause. "...Yes."

She caught the lie immediately, a frown crossing her face.

"Very well Commander. Please let someone know if you have need of anything. I may come by to check on you later."

"That is unnecessary, but thank you, Inquisitor."

Frown still on her face, Evelyn headed straight to the kitchens to put together a soothing combination of tea and soup she knew from the Circle to have one of the staff take up to the Commander.

It was late. No, it was beyond late, the sun having set hours ago and many of Skyhold's residents having settled down for the night. But Evelyn found herself unable to sleep, thoughts falling back to that horrific future that hung over her head, reminding her of what failure in their cause would cost. There was truly no reason for it to weigh on her tonight. Things were going well; progress was being made. The troops were ready to march on Adamant; They were as ready as they could be.

And yet sleep remained elusive. She sighed, leaning on her elbows against the railing of her tower. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Cullen's tower, and was surprised to see the lights still lit within. It was no secret that the Commander often burned the midnight oil (quite literally) and though Evelyn worried for the man, it was not her place to criticize his personal habits. As she stared down, the thought crossed her mind to perhaps not spending this sleepless night alone. After a moment's consideration, she returned to her room, changing into a simple pair of cotton breeches and a blouse, before grabbing her travelling chess and stuffing it into her waistband.

The great hall was quiet, save the soft conversations between the night guards, whom she nodded to as she passed; She cut through Solas' solar and crossed the walkway to the Cullen's tower. She hesitated at the door, fighting against the small swarm of butterflies growing in her stomach. Shaking her head, she reached to quietly open the door.

As she peeked her head in, she saw him seated at his desk. To her surprise, he was not working, but was hunched over, gloveless fingers digging into his hair, muttering to himself. Instead of paperwork, before him sat a simple wooden box. His armor and cloak were discarded, and after a moment Evelyn realized he was softly speaking the Chant. Evelyn bit her lip nervously, before knocking on the door to grab his attention as she slipped into the room..

He jumped almost violently, one hand reaching for his absent sword as the other pushed his chair back in a single movement. For a moment, it looked as though he didn't recognize her. She quailed instinctively, the frantic look on his face coupled with his posture striking a visceral "templar prepared to strike," chord within her. It took a moment to calm her own reaction.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, Commander."

He remained rigid, breathing still quick and expression guarded. Slowly his expression moved from guarded to confused, then with a deep breath, he shook his head. His tense posture slowly drained. She barely heard the soft curse he let out as he looked away.

"Maker's breath. It's perfectly alright, Inquisitor. I was merely caught off guard."

She looked away herself as he turned back to her, fiddling nervously with her shirtsleeves.

"No, I should have been louder as I entered. Goodness knows it's late enough you weren't expecting visitors."

The two of them stood in a tense and awkward silence for a minute, before Cullen reached to rub the back of his neck.

"Was there something you needed, Inquisitor?"

For a brief moment, she considered fleeing back to her tower. But her desire for company to escape her thoughts won out. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves again.

"I...I've been unable to sleep tonight and I was wondering if you might be amenable to company for a while?"

He looked surprised. "No, that would be perfectly alright, though I admit I...don't have much to do in here, save paperwork…"

She grinned sheepishly, reaching to pull the chess set out of her waistband.

"Perhaps a game of chess? If I can convince you to step away from work for a bit?"

The smile he gave her made her heart flutter again as he moved to take the set from her hands.

"Pull up the chair, Inquisitor, I'll prepare the board."

She didn't notice him clear the desk of the wooden box with shaking hands.

She knew it was a bad day when he didn't greet her upon her return and he wasn't in his tower.

With only the briefest nods to Solas and Varric on her way to her own chamber, she hurried up, taking some of the steps two at a time. Pausing before the final door, she tried to steady her breath and quietly opened the door.

Her chambers were quiet, with only faint noises from the birds on her balcony indicating that the doors were open. She reached the top of the stairs, and glanced over to the bed. He was on his side, curled in on himself and clutching her pillow, face burrowed in it to block the light. All she could see of his head was that mess of curls that he'd clearly not bothered to style for the day. He was dressed only in his breeches, and she could spot the faintest sheen of sweat along his body. It was definitely a bad day.

"Oh my love," she murmured softly, coming around the newel post and approaching the bed.

He blinked up blearily from the pillow, squinting at the light.

"Evelyn, you're back, I meant…"

She shushed him softly, seating herself at his side and reaching to run her hand through his hair.

"It's alright. We got in earlier than we thought we would." She kept her voice quiet, gently pushing the softest of healing magics into her touches to ease the headache she knew was pounding against his skull. Her efforts were rewarded with a soft sigh, his eyes falling shut as he reached to grasp her knee.

"I missed you."

She couldn't help but smile at the rare moment of emotional vulnerability. "I missed you too."

With a sigh, she withdrew her hand to reach for a discarded cooling cloth at the bedside table, wetting it again before wringing it out to lay against the back of his neck.

"How long has it been this bad?"

His brow furrowed, clutching the pillow tighter.

"Not long."

"Cullen."

He caught the chastising tone in her voice, eyes opening to look at her apologetically.

"The headache started yesterday morning."

She sighed, leaning to press a kiss to his forehead.

"I'll go grab you some tea and something to eat."

His hand grasped her wrist gently, keeping her in place as he pushed the pillow aside.

"Just...stay for a bit first?"

Her heart swelled, and she nodded, pulling her feet up on the bed. She curled herself over his side with her head resting on his upper arm, left hand clutched within his own. Her right hand rubbed up his back in an attempt to soothe the minute tremors going through his form. It wasn't exactly a comfortable position but it was one that felt right in moments like this.

"I'm sorry you have to bear this burden alone," she murmured softly, pressing a kiss to his arm affectionately. His hand squeezed hers tighter.

"I haven't been alone in this for a long time."

Posted to my AO3 05/13/2016


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